Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

-- Ann Landers
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Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

-- Mother Teresa
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How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.

-- William Shakespeare
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The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

-- Oscar Wilde
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
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What is a committee?  A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

-- Richard Harkness, "The New York Times", 1960
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On one occasion a student burst into his office.  "Professor Stigler,I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."  To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
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I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
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There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.
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I'm a little teapot short and stout ... here is my handle, here is my ... OTHER HANDLE??? Crap. I'm a sugar bowl.
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Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. I cannot hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.

-- Robert Wilensky
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A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
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A day without sunshine is like night.
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A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.

-- Steve Wright
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

-- H. H. Munroe
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A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
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A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices.  "The Tao is embodied in all software regardless of how insignificant," said the master. "Is Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice. "It is," came the reply. "Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice. "It is even in a video game," said the master. "And is the Tao in the DOS for a personal computer?" The master coughed and shifted his position slightly.  "The lesson is over for today," he said.

-- "The Tao of Programming"
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A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
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A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.

-- Gloria Steinem
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A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
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A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.
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Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

-- Sinclair Lewis
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Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied: "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there.  The only difference is that there is no cat."
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All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.

-- Jim Fiebig
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All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it.

-- Richard P. Feynman
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
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Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

-- Steven Wright
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I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.  I got a full house and four people died.

-- Steven Wright
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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

-- Woody Allen
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Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

-- Robin Hood
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

-- Phyllis Diller
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I called my parents the other night, but I forgot about the time difference. They're still living in the fifties.

-- Strange de Jim
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

-- Erma Bombeck
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Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
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Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
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There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
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You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance.

-- Franklin P. Jones
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Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

-- Mark Twain
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Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society.

-- Mark Twain
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I do desire we may be better strangers.

-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

-- Mark Twain
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

-- Mark Twain
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If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

-- Mark Twain
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One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
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An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field. "How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all Scottish sheep are black!" To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!" The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."                  

-- J. Steward in 'Concepts of Modern Mathematics'
